Copyright (c) 2007 Sally Goldberg, Ph.D.
Dr. Sally Parenting, Inc.
http://www.drsallyparenting.com

Q. While Mother's Day used to be a day of sincere appreciation and thanks for a mothers' genuine work for her family, now it has become a needed break from a hectic routine. Is there a way to return to that feeling of genuine celebration? Are there tools for handling life's fast-paced, multi-task living in more effective ways?

A. Absolutely yes.

Immersed as we are today in all the time-saving devices of our technological world, no one has yet been able to come up with anything better for true relaxation than a chance to be silent, reach inward, and draw upon the powerful energy of our inner thoughts and most pleasant experiences.

In addition to this world of relaxation and peace available to us on the inside, there is much information available on the outside for how to handle children and families. By becoming pro-active instead of re-active, you can make huge strides toward having your home life run more smoothly. Here are a couple of ideas.

Set Up for Success

As a way to set up new situations for success, continue to learn from your previous experiences. By learning from these experiences, you will be able to avoid many future problematic situations.

Example

There you are in the mall; baby in stroller and stroller in hand. You already know that your baby is going to run out of steam shortly, begin to pull at you, require your attention, and need you to feed her, talk to her, love her, and make her feel wonderful. Instead of waiting for this calamity to happen (as you may have done in the past), you can take the bull by the horn. Now you can make a plan to stop every 20 to 30 minutes on your shopping excursion. In this way you will be prepared to pick up your baby, hold him or her, and play just at those times. What will happen? You and your baby will have a smooth-running and pleasant shopping trip.

Rest assured that as you continually learn from past experiences that you can "set up for success" in many different ways. While this example was with a baby, you can use this wonderful preparation with your toddler, preschooler, child, and adolescent for the rest of your parenting days.

Make Expectations Clear

Side by side with "setting up for success," comes your opportunity to "make expectations clear." You will want to get started with this one as soon as your baby gets on the move by crawling. You will also want to continue with it for many years to come.

Examples

* You are in the living room. You say, "We don't go near the wires. We play right here at this table."

* There you are in line at the bank. You say, "I expect you to stay in line with me until it is our turn. Then I expect you to stay next to me while I am doing my transaction. Then after you have stayed in line and waited next to me, I will take you all to lunch."

* You are on your way to see Grandma. You say, "I brought a whole bag of activities for you-crayons, paper, puzzles, blocks, and books. Play quietly with these activities while we are there. Then after the visit, we will go to the park."

Note the responsibility building process in the second 2 examples-do what is expected, and all will be well. Do not follow the directions, and there will be no lunch out or time at the park. Eventually, with more positive behavior, your child will have a growing awareness of the deep inner satisfaction of acting appropriately and doing what is asked.

From meditative peace and tranquility on the inside to expert child-handling skills on the outside, you will have a new lease on life. May your Mother's Day this year be filled with family connectedness, much thanks, and sincere appreciation for a job well-done.

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Sally Goldberg, Ph.D., parenting specialist, empowers parents to solve parenting problems. Join her for weekly parenting classes at the Valley of the Sun JCC in Scottsdale, AZ. If you would like to contact Dr. Sally, you can reach her at 480-766-6323 or drsally@drsallyparenting.com . Find out more at http://www.drsallyparenting.com.

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